One-Sided African Romances

Hey my fellow muzungu women! Are you feeling low on self esteem? I have a suggestion for you: come to Uganda where all the boys will love you. Especially if you happen to have blonde hair and blue eyes. Apparently I am the most charming thing this country has seen forever. Which leads us to the topic of today’s blog: all the Ugandan men who have fallen in love with Stefanie. Please note: this is not a comprehensive list, this is only the ones who have stories attached to them.

Malik: Malik works with us at the clinic. He is freaking adorable because he is so quiet and shy. Plus he is Muslim and I like that I am now friends with a Muslim. Now, if any crazy radical racist people try to get in an argument with me about Islamic people being terrorists, I can say “I have friends that practice Islam and they are intelligent, kind, reasonable people who love peace and stuff.” One day Mark was talking to him on the phone and at the end of the conversation Malik said, “tell the girls hello… especially Stefanie.” Hahahahahaha I have no idea where that came from, but I was flattered. I think it’s because he is from Kenya and therefore speaks Swahili and one day I sang a song to him in Swahili that I learned in 9th grade. Apparently it was very impressive because he has since offered to buy me things and constantly talks about coming to visit me in America. He also texts me all the time to ask how I am doing, which is awesomely awkward considering the fact that we all share a phone.

Davis: Davis is the best friend of Josh who works the front desk at Keba Inn. I met Davis for the first time when I went clubbing on Wednesday, but apparently I make a good first impression because he was deeply in love with me by the end of the night. He told me so several times. I’m pretty sure he was sober too. At least, I hope he was because I was able to use my womanly charm to get him to drive us home so I didn’t have to pay for a taxi. I first made him take all the drunk driving tests and he swore on his love for me that he had not consumed a drop of alcohol all night. I had to keep reminding him that I had a boyfriend and therefore was not going to kiss him, but other than that he was a good guy. In order to try to entice me to change my mind about the kissing situation, he kept telling me about his super awesome job in the Ugandan government. I’m pretty sure a lot of it was lies to impress me (like when, for example, he said that he could set up a time for me to meet the president) but I fully intend on using him to set up some tour of the Ugandan Parliament or something.

Derick: I met Derick at a wedding. We spoke for literally 10 minutes until he invited me home to meet his family. FYI, meeting the family is a big deal in Uganda. He is going to medical school in Canada, and intends to go to Disneyland with me at some point. Yeah, ok. However, there is something very attractive about Derick, that being that he has a car. Now, those of you who know me (which is hopefully all of you. If not, get off my blog) know that I am not a car person AT ALL, but after two months of riding on taxis, I am willing to be friends with ANYONE who is willing to drive me around. I am currently working on him to drive me to the equator this weekend. I will let you know how that goes.

Habib: This is not his real name, he just owns the store called The Habib Store, so we call him Habib. At the Habib store, water costs 1500 shillings. Unless you happen to be a blonde muzungu, in which case water is only 1000 shillings. Everyone in the group has me buy water for them.

Akim: This is the boy whose lap I sat on at the soccer (football) game. He immediately asked me for my phone number (as everyone does). Usually I tell them I don’t have a phone (almost true) but that day he was so nice to me that I didn’t want to crush his heart immediately. So instead I tried to give him the number of the phone that Tyler had just lost. Unfortunately I am an idiot and actually gave him the number to my phone. He called me approximately 70 times in the next three days.

The list could go on. Guys stop me regularly asking to take a picture with me and I always oblige. It’s like having my own little paparazzi and I have to enjoy it while it lasts. When I speak luganda, people lose their minds. It’s like having a blonde girl speak Luganda is the most amazing thing that has ever happened. I have become the one in the group that always has to ask people questions or something because chances are I will get a better answer than anyone else in the group.
Seriously, I am not trying anything special here. Quite the opposite actually. My hair is in DESPERATE need of a cut and color and I haven’t seen a flat iron in months. But, for whatever reason, the African men just love the muzungus. I invite all girls everywhere to test out my experience and see for yourself. It really is quite amusing.

Mormon Hangover (like the kind that comes even though you have never taseted alcohol in your life)

Yesterday was Ladies Night at a local dance club here, meaning ladies got in free. Karen and I danced until 3am. Now I want to die.

Stefanie on Safari! (I [Stefanie] have taken over posting and so the titles will no longer be lame dates. Though I am eternally greatful to Niccole for keeping the blog going up until this point)

Hello world! It’s been awhile, but I have a good excuse. This weekend I went on a safari! Another item crossed of my non-existent bucket list. It was so amazing! I will tell you something true: animals in the wild are far superior to animals in the zoo.
Because Uganda had yet another national holiday on Thursday (honestly, it’s amazing anything gets done in this country at all. Oh, right. It doesn’t) we left for the safari on Wednesday night after work. Although it wasn’t as scary as the last time we took a taxi in the dark (See: Jinja trip) it was still pretty intense. Uganda doesn’t really use addresses or anything, so we weren’t really sure where we were going. The travel company gave us “directions” but they said things like “Take the second left after the old soap factory.” Yeah, ok. It was especially interesting in the dark, but we figured it out. That night we stayed in a hostel type thing in Kampala. It was an interesting experience, but I think I have reached my hostel quota for my life. There were about 30 people sharing the same bathroom, so I was forced to wake up at 4:30 am in order to accomplish my necessary tasks. But I did love the vibe. It was totally hippie, with incense and dreadlocks and the whole shebang. Plus, hippies spend less time in the bathroom, so that was good.

Yesterday was church, obviously. Every time  I go to this church I am so impressed by the quality of the people here. They are so intelligent. Even though most have been members for a very short time, they quote the Book of Mormon like it's their job. It makes me feel weak, but in the good way where I am inspired to read the Book of Mormon more. We had our first "choir practice" yesterday. I put it in quotes because it was not like the usual choir practice. We aren't really practicing for anything specific, they just like to sing. And they had a keyboard!!! I was incredibly excited. Unfortunately, I am not very good at playing the piano, but I plunked through it and the ward members sang with enough spirit to make up for my crappy playing. It was awesome because even though none of them read music at all, they all picked up on their parts pretty quickly. In my (vast) experience as choir director, if you have people come who don't read music, they are mostly a spot filler because it is so hard for them to learn their parts, but that wasn't the case here at all. i think they just have a natural talent for music. Another awesome thing is how many people came. All five other times I was choir director, it was like pulling teeth getting people to come. I would have to make fabulous treats, announce it personally in every class, go to peoples houses and beg them to come, and still I would be lucky if I got two people on each part. Here, they forgot to announce it until Relief Society and Priesthood and yet half the ward showed up. Afterward, everyone come up to me and thanked me for helping them. It was so sweet! Plus, their voices are beautiful.
Love you all and miss you!
Love,
Stefanie

June 4

Thank you mum for the lovely email! I especially loved the last line:
"We miss you so much. Get a job, you bum." Hahahaha just kidding. When
you say "we" are flying to Denver, do you mean all of us or just you
and dad. Also, happy birthday Jacob! I can't believe my little brother
is so big!
Well, it has been an extremely eventful weekend! Friday was a public
holiday (Martyr's day) so we didn't have work. But we didn't get to
sleep in because Mark is a maniac. He got it into his head that it
would be a good idea to run to the beach. I sweetly declined because
the trip has a few big hills and Mark and Karen are marathon runners,
while Savanah is an intense soccer player. I like to run just fine,
but slowly and by myself with awesome music. But apparently it just
wouldn't be the same if I didn't come and they really wanted me there
blah blah blah. So I went. Big mistake. By the time we got to the lake
I wanted to die and we still had to come back. I made it, but I
promise here and now with all of you as my witnesses that I will never
NEVER go running with Mark Eliason again. When we got back, we did
P90X. Because that is just how hardcore we are. I had a very difficult
time walking yesterday.
After the workout from hell, we went to the beach, which was so fun!
You know how my very favorite thing in the whole world is laying in
the sand, so I had a very nice time. Plus, Malik, one of the interns,
came and hung out with us, so that was so super fun. I did get a
little burned though. It was cloudy, so I didn't realize it would
happen, but I am just not used to the malaria sensative skin and the
direct equator sunlight. My burn from the beach is actually not bad at
all, but when we were running it was really sunny. There are small
strips on my shoulders from where the tank top I was running in is
different than my swimming suit so they were very white and are now
purple. Yet another reason why that run was terrible.
Yesterday we went to Kampala for the day. The Ugandan National
football team was playing and it was CRAZY! People were already
partying in the streets. Mum, you would have hated it because it was
really loud and there were TONS of people everywhere, but I LOVED it.
It was such a fun atmosphere. We really wantedto go to the game, and
after a bit of a treasure hunt, we got tickets! Yay! We started out
our day by shopping for souvenirs, which was very successful.  We all
bought jerseys for the game, we looked so cute. And let me tell you,
we were a SENSATION. 4 muzungus walking around on game day wearing
Uganda National colors, people were absolutely BESIDE themselves. It
was fun. It's going to be sad going back to America where I am just a
normal person. Then, Sam wanted to take us to his grandmother's house
for lunch. Well, as we got on a taxi to head to granny's Sam informs
us that she lives 45 mins away. Um, HELLO. It was currently 1:00 and
we planned on being at the stadium at 2:00. We were very pissed, but
at that point there was nothing we could do. So we ate the fastest
lunch of our lives at granny's and headed to the stadium.
There is no way in a million years I could adequately describe the
experience of the football game. Just imagine it as crazy as you
possibly can and then realize that it is probably much crazier than
that. Even though we went white water rafting and everything, this was
probably the most dangerous thing we have experienced so far. And it
was AWESOME. Luckily, my pushing through crowds skills that I have
honed at concerts came in very handy. Unfortunately, some members of
my group weren't nearly as adept as I am, so by the time we finally
got in, the stands were completely full. I'm fairly certain that twice
as many tickets were sold than people who would actually fit in the
stadium. But fitting in the stadium is a crazy American idea. This is
Uganda. We don't have to fit in the stadium, we just have to get in!
Going up the stairs into the stadium was an absolute mosh pit. Again,
the only thing that kept me upright was my awesome concert skills. But
even I couldn't see anyway we were going to get through the crowd to
get into the seats. Then, people started climbing the walls and
pulling themselves up the handrails. "Oh no, there is no WAY I am
going to do that." said my brain. Then, the next second I see Sam
heading up the hand rail. Ok, I guess that's how I'm getting into the
game. Honestly I didn't even think about it, because if I did I'm
pretty sure there is no way I would have done it, but suddenly I am
climbing up the stadium wall, shimmying up the handrail, teetering
about 50 feet in the air, with people grabbing at me trying to get up
themselves. Don't worry, Mark got some awesome pictures. When we got
up to where Mark and Sam were, there was literally not a single empty
seat. Oh, but no worries, there were plenty of African men willing to
let the beautiful muzungu girls sit on their laps. Luckily I was able
to flirt my way into a seat (don't be too impressed, it is not hard to
get what you want in Africa when you are a pretty muzungu), but
Savanah spent the whole game on someone's lap. Hahahaha Or at least
she spent any part of the game where we were seated on someone's lap,
which honestly wasn't much. These fans would send any other sports
fans crying for their mothers. I don't know how familiar you all are
with a vuvuzela, but I assure you that I am more familiar. There were
thousands of them, and I swear they were all directed at my head. They
blow them when something they like happens, they blow them when they
are frustrated, they blow them to intimidate the other team, they blow
them to try to get the muzungu's attention. It was crazy. Every time
Uganda scored a goal, things would get even more crazy (which I didn't
think was possible). People threw everything they possibly could
(except the vuvuzelas of course) into the air and debris would be
raining from the sky. There was so much water bottle throwing that I
got completely soaked every time. Like, honestly, it looked like I had
been caught in a rainstorm. Plus, everyone wanted to hug the muzungus,
so we were mobbed. I loved every second of it. However, it is
definitely a once in a lifetime experience. I never need to go to a
football game in a third world country again. Actually, scratch that.
It apparently wasn't just the third wold aspect that made it crazy,
because Mark has been to many football games in South America and he
said they are absolutely tame compared to what we went through. So, I
never need to go to a football game in Africa again. But wow, I am so
glad we did it yesterday. And honestly, even though I was mad at Sam
for not adequately planning our trip to his grandmother's, if we
hadn't gone then we would have gotten to the stadium on time and
probably wouldn't have had to scale the 50 foot wall in order to get
seats, and that was a once in a lifetime experience all in itself.
When we finally got home I was so exhausted that I fell right in bed
and slept for years.
If I keep having amazing weekends like this, I am never going to want
to come home! NExt weekend is our safari, so I think the tradition
will continue.
Love you all!
Stefanie

 Oh, PS Uganda totally won. We gooooooooooooooo we go! Uganda cranes we
go! (that is their chant. It is actually very catchy and if I never
hear it again it will be too soon).

June 3

Warning: this email is REALLY LONG. Like, 6 pages in a word document.
       Our trip to Jinja began bright and early Saturday morning. Or should
I say dark and early because it was 4:45 am and the sun wasn’t even
considering being up yet. We needed a ride to Kampala, so Jeffrey from
our ward offered to set one up for us. The ride was supposed to arrive
at Keba Inn at 5:00, but of course everything here runs on Uganda
time. 5:00, 5:10, 5:20. 5:30 nothing. We’re calling Jeffrey
frantically, but to no avail. Finally at 5:40 a car rolled up and
Jeffrey got out. It’s a good thing he was there because there is no
way I would have gotten in that sketch “taxi” otherwise. The ride was
straight up the taxi ride from hell, provided that hell smells like
exhaust and has born again Christian music blaring at eardrum scarring
decibels.  I swear the driver took us the wrong way down one way roads
several times. He had no idea where we were going and kept stopping at
totally sketch locations to ask directions from potential murderers.
Also, I think the back tire was falling off. That’s what it sounded
and felt like anyway. I don’t know whether to attribute this to the
music or the near death experience, but some of the most fervent
prayers of my entire life took place in the back of that vehicle.
       Miracle of miracle (prayer works) we made it to where we were
supposed to meet the bus. As we were leaving, we thanked the man for
the ride (even though we paid him 45,000 shilling. What a rip off). We
also thanked him (ironically) for the music. “Oh, you’re welcome,” he
said, “I love Jesus. I’ve been saved.” Awesome dude.
       Soon the bus came to pick us up and bring us to Jinja. Holy cow, I
have never seen so many muzungus in my entire life. Ok, so that’s not
true (I live in Provo for heaven’s sake) but after a month in Africa,
it is strange to be around white people again. Though most of them
were European, so they were still culturally different. The guy I sat
next to on the bus is a journalist from Luxumborg. He had just helped
organize this giant international marathon in Tanzania, so he was
really interesting to talk to. He had been travelling around and had
interesting information, like that fact that the most civilized
country in this region is probably Rwanda. Even though most people
just associate them with the terrible genocide that happened recently,
the country has really bounced back and are the most structured and
organized. Also, I should be glad that I am not staying in Congo,
where the only way they could travel without being attacked or force
to pay bribes was by dressing up as priests.
       When we arrived at the river rafting headquarters, it was awesome
because it seemed like the very stereotypical picture of an
outdoors/adventure touristy place. There was the older granola type
lady running things, the Rastafarian/hippie man with the fro behind
the desk, and the absurdly tan and ripped young men running around
doing all the hard work in order to show off their muscles. From there
we got on trucks that transported us to the river. On the trucks we
sat next to two guys from Oregon named Casey and Jesse. We told them
we were studying at BYU and they told us that they work for the state
department and are stationed at the US embassy in Sudan. How cool is
that? They were pretty awesome and I am jealous of their jobs. At one
point Jesse got distracted and was talking to somebody else. I was
asking Casey about his job and how he got into it, etc. He started
talking about his love for adventure and how he wants to live an
extraordinary life. He said something about not being interested in
the cookie cutter life in a suburb with a picket fence and 2.5 kids,
which was the point Jesse turned back and was like “What’s going on
here? You just met and are already planning how many kids you are
going to have?” I was like, “Oh, you know BYU girls, we move fast.”
Which was apparently the exact right thing to say, like I was
acknowledging the elephant in the room that was symbolic of the fact
that we are Mormons. They both laughed a lot and we had a good
discussion about the church and Mormon culture and the differences
between the two. They have Mormon friends, and it was strangely
awesome to make friends on this trip with people who recognize our
religion. Even though it didn’t really effect our interactions much,
it was just nice to have people who understood what we are like. That
sounds weird, but just trust me. Plus, they were both expert white
water rafters, so they gave us information and advice that
simultaneously scared me more and helped me feel better at the same
time (i.e. there is not way you won’t flip over, but if you do this
and this and such, you won’t die).
       We then arrived at the river, where we stripped down and left
everything but our swimsuits and sunscreen in the trucks. E even left
our shoes. IT was weird because that was the first time the soles of
my feet have touched the ground in a month. I even wear shoes in the
shower. The Nile was beautiful, plus there were lots and lots of
extremely ripped men walking around adding to the aesthetics. The
in-charge granola lady gave us a (very) brief safety lesson and then
ordered us to get into the rafts. It all seemed very abrupt. I was not
prepared to get in the raft yet.  But we did. We were very lucky
because they made us break into groups of seven, which is an awkward
number and people kept trying to get us to break up and join their
group. But we held strong and were able to get in all together.
       Our guide’s name was Peter and he was HILARIOUS. The very first thing
he said to us was “Hello, I’m Peter. Why did you guys pick the sh*t
boat?” Hahahahah yeah Peter, thanks for inspiring confidence.
Throughout the whole trip, every noun was proceeded by the adjective
sh*t. Sh*t boat, sh*t   pump, sh*t safety rope etc. It was extremely
hilarious. We asked him how long he has been doing this and he was
like “this is my first time, but don’t worry, I’ve watched the video
many times.” He totally threw me at first because sarcasm is NOT
prevalent in this culture. He called sunscreen anti-n*igger cream, and
though that is probably my least favorite word of all, it was
strangely endearing when Peter said it. Maybe I have a different
standard because he is black. I am probably reverse racist. He told us
the best story about when he was leading a raft full of Japanese
people. None of them spoke English at all, so they couldn’t understand
him when he shouted instructions at them. There were two English boys
in the front, so they were able to communicate to the Japanese that
they just needed to do exactly what the English boys were doing. This
worked well until they went through a particularly wild raid and the
English boys were thrown out. When the Japanese saw that the boys were
gone, they jumped out of the raft. HAHAHAHAHHAa.
       Before we started rafting, Peter gave us more instruction, which was
basically simulating death-like situations and practicing not dying.
Like, he flipped the raft over and we had to practice not getting
stuck underneath. Then we had to practice getting back on the raft.
Even with all my P90X, I couldn’t pull myself in, but I didn’t feel
bad because the other girls couldn’t either. But no worries, Peter was
more than willing to pull us in with his bare hands. At one point, he
pulled me and Karen in at the same time, one in each arm. Buff. Plus,
as an added bonus, he rewarded us each with a smack on the bum.
Though, apparently he found our bums unimpressive. In his tribe,
apparently the price of a woman’s dowry is determined by the size of
her bum. A girl with a really nice bum would be worth several cows.
We, according to Peter, would each be worth a measly half a chicken.
Hahahahaha
       After not nearly enough not-dying practice to make me feel
comfortable, Peter took us down the first rapid. He would yell
“forward!” and we would paddle forward (obviously). He would yell
“harder!” and we would paddle as hard as we could. Then, he would yell
“get down!” as the raids got too wild and we would crouch down, hold
onto our paddles and the rope and pray for deliverance. The whole
time, Savanah and I screamed like little girls, but man it was
exhilarating! And e didn’t die. Always a bonus.
       When we signed up for this trip, I was really scared because I
thought we would just be going through killer rapids all the time. Not
so. There were about 8 instances of killer rapids. Besides that, much
of our time was sent floating along the Nile looking at the
breathtaking scenery. Because we spent so much time floating, we were
lucky that the people in our raft were so awesome. Besides us and
Peter, there was Anneik and John form Holland and Ram from Israel.
Anneik and John were in no way the snooty European types that some
people on this trip were, but were really nice and witty. They
appreciated our humor, which made me appreciate them. Ram was a Buffy
fan! What are the odds, right? I can officially say that I have had a
lively Spike vs. Angel debate with a Hebrew man form Israel while
floating down the Nile in a raft. It was kind of a surreal experience.
Often times when we were floating along, the supply boat would float
by with awesome snacks like crackers or pineapple. I imagine that if I
designed heaven, it would look a lot like that experience” floating on
a beautiful river with fabulous sunshine, great company, and an
attractive person giving you the pieces of the most delicious
pineapple in the world.
       There was a point where the rapids got too bad and we got out and
walked past it, which I appreciated. Directly after that was a rapid
called “the bad Place.” Sounds ominous, right? Apparently, if you go
in the bad place, you have a 99% chance of getting thrown out of your
raft. If you go to the right, there is a 99% chance of staying
upright. If you go left, your chances are 50/50. My group wanted to go
through the bad place, so I was peer pressured into agreeing. Peter,
however, had other plans. He was all like “Yeah, sure, the bad place,
ok.” But then totally took us to the right. Hahahaha. The men in the
group were all disgruntled, but as it turns out, Peter was totally
right. Casey and Jesse’s raft went through the bad place and they told
us about it later. They almost died. Jesse was the only one who stayed
on the raft, everyone else was thrown. One guy named Eric (remember
him, he comes up later) tried to hold on to the raft, and the current
was so strong that it pulled his shoulder out of the socket. Their
raft was pulled apart by the current and the riders were under water
for a very long time. Yeah, I’m glad we avoided that.
       Although we didn’t go through the bad place, we did tip over twice.
The first time was no big deal. It was a little scary, but I just help
tight to the raft and kind of rode the rapid until Peter was able to
get the raft upright and pull us in (with the obligatory bum slap).
The 2nd time we tipped over was a little more dramatic. Tipping was
fine, I held on and didn’t get far from the raft. I was happily
bobbing along, but Karen next to me was swearing a little more
colorfully than usual. I was like, “calm down girl, we already fell
out, the worst is over.” But it turns out she could see something I
couldn’t because all of a sudden Peter was yelling “Get your legs up!”
and we were slammed by the rapids into huge, sharp rocks. Ow. I’ll
tell you what, ow. Luckily, we were mostly fine. That seems like
something that could kill you, but I only had a few cuts on my knee
and foot that weren’t too deep and a pretty good bruise on my hip.
John was the worst, bleeding all over the place, but even he wasn’t
too bad. He could still paddle and stuff. It was pretty hard core. But
I can now say “I have bled in the Nile” whenever I am playing two
truths and a lie.
       When we went through the last rapid, we all stayed in except Peter,
who mysteriously disappeared. There were other rafts and islands
around, so we figured e just went to one of those, plus it was a
straight shot to the end, so we weren’t too worried. We just paddled
lazily along, laughing and singing. Savanah made up a very clever song
that goes like this:
Row row row your raft
Gently down the Nile
Scarily scarily scarily scarily
watch for crocodiles!
So we were singing that and having a good old time. Suddenly, like the
freaking creature form the black Lagoon, Peter rises out of nowhere
and grabs me, pulling me into the river. Hahahaha I guessI should have
seen that coming. I was angry, but it was mostly that fake anger that
people put forth in am effprt to maintain their dignity. I said,
“Peter! You could have drown me! I guess we have a sh*t guide to go
with the sh*t boat!” which I though was pretty clever. Then I swam
over and dunked him, but mostly he laughed. So much for my dignity.
       That was the end of the rafting, which was unfortunate, but it was
hard to be sad because that meant it was time for a giant barbeque!
Wahoo! There were kabobs (my fav!) and unlimited soda (foreshadowing).
Basically we just chilled and ate our hearts out and reveled in the
fact that we just completed something so amazing! And we looked at our
sunburns, which were pretty magnificent. Malaria medication + the
equator’s direct sunlight= bad sunburns.
       The bus ride to the river camp was about 40 mins long. About half way
there, all of the soda came back to haunt us. Me and Karen and Savanah
had to pee SO BAD. Luckily, most of the other people on the bus had
even more to drink than we did (mostly beer) and had to pee too. So
the bus pulled over by a cornfield and we all ran in, strategically
lacing ourselves so that we didn’t see any stranger bums or pee on
anyone else’s shoes. How many of you can say that you peed with a
bunch of drunk Europeans in a cornfield on the side of a road in
Africa? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
       Eventually we got to the campsite and got all set up. We were
sleeping in a dorm instead of a tent, thank goodness. There was a bar
where everyone was hanging out and binge drinking while we waited for
the raft people to show the video of the day. They were watching
Rugby, which was actually pretty fun to watch. Savanah loves rugby and
tried to explain it to me. Mostly I didn’t understand totally, but it
sounds fun. We have plans to go to rugby games at BYU this year.
       It was super fun just chilling and talking to everyone and helping
Savanah achieve her goal of kissing the hottest raft guide (a goal she
quickly abandoned as his attractiveness decreased inversely with his
blood alcohol level). A bunch of our new friends came up to talk to
us, including Eric. Eric is a total Rastafarian free loving easy going
hippie, who drinks like a sailor. It is an interesting paradox because
apparently his wife works for the state department. That is a woman I
would like to meet, because there is some serious contradiction going
on there. Eric was telling Mark and I the incredibly interesting story
of his life (stories available upon request, this email is getting too
long). AT one point he suggested that we never get addicted to
cocaine. I laughed and told him that I never would try cocaine. He was
skeptical because apparently I might need it someday when I am totally
drunk and absolutely have to drive somewhere. Cocaine is (apparently)
the only way to sober up quickly enough. Oh, I told him, I don’t drink
either. Well. You would have thought from his reaction that I had
suddenly come up with the solution to world hunger, world peace, and
high gas prices all at the same time. This was obviously the most
amazing thing he had ever heard. He went on for a good ten minutes
about how I am “golden” and “a genius” and how I would save myself so
much trouble in m life. All while he was very very drunk. I love drunk
people sometimes.
       After the movie, Casey and Jesse came up to us and uttered two of my
most favorite words: dance party. The plan: they would move all the
tables and we would use our feminine charms to manipulate the bar
tender to play dance music, a plan I excelled at, of course. The silly
Europeans were busy watching the football (soccer) game, but the
Americas and the Africans were seriously movin and groovin. There is
something magical about impromptu dance parties anyway, but hen they
take place in Africa, they are even better. Plus, I can now claim that
I have been bought a drink in a bar because Casey bought us all
waters. And, ok, I realize that being bought a water in a bar is a lot
less glam than being bought a martini in a bar, but I can actually
drink the water. Plus, I thought it was sweet that he was all
respectful of our religion and stuff. After the soccer (football)
game, the DJ played a celebratory “Alejandro” by Lady Gaga (Barcelona
won) and even the Europeans joined in.
       The next morning we woke up super early When the alarm went off, my
body was like “what do you think you are doing? You get back in bed
and sleep off your Mormon hangover!” but my mind said “you will
probably never have a chance to see the sun rise over the Nile again.
Stop being a lazy arse.” My min won an we all went and sat on a little
rock island and watched the sun come up. I wish I was a talented
writer and could adequately describe to you how it looked without
sounding trite, but it was breath taking. Soon the water was being let
out of the dam (or something) so the river level started to rise and
we had to leave before our little rock island was covered, so we went
to the little beach and meditated for awhile. I felt like an Egyptian
goddess or something. What an awesome way to start your Sabbath!
`To get home, we had to catch a bus back from the river rafting
offices. Unfortunately, cam checkout was at 11 am and the bus didn’t
come until 3. On the bright side, when we got to the rafting place, we
met some more awesome friends, Nash and Jimmy, who were both very
funny. They said they had seen us dancing the other night and asked
why we weren’t staying for the “booze cruise” that night like most of
the other rafters. We explained that we had to get back to work, plus
that we don’t drink. That totally surprised them because, as jimmy
said, “when I saw you dancing last night, I thought you were totally
smashed.” Hahahahaha
       We were soon hungry and left to find somewhere to buy food. We had
earlier decided against going to church because when we looked it up
on Mormon.org it was like 30 miles away and we had no way to get
there. But the, as we were wandering around, we cam across a very
familiar looking building. A Mormon chapel! It was only like half a
mile away from where we were staying. What the heck Mormon.org?
someone needs to update that. We had missed church, but there was a
baptism going on, so we went for that. We may have missed renewing our
baptismal covenants, but at least we were able to see someone making
theirs. It was a family, which was cool. Also, I know the church is
true everywhere, but I really wish we went to this branch instead of
the Entebbe branch. This church was so luxurious. They had fans, and
tile floors and artwork! Still no pianos though.
       After the baptism we were still hungry and had not found food, so we
headed back, at which point Nash informed us that they had a
restaurant there. Oh, thanks, that would have been nice to know before
we went walking in the million degree heat. But I guess then we
wouldn’t have found the baptism with the beautiful church, so all is
well. MY blog post would not be complete without me waxing poetic
about food al the time, so here we go.  I ordered a tomato and cheese
Panini, which was not only delicious, but also help hold off my Zupa’s
craving a little bit. Can we please go to Zupas as soon as I get home?
The bus pulled up right as I finished, so we hugged Jimmy and Nash
goodbye and got on the bus that took us away from beautiful Jinja  and
on to stinky Kampala. On the ride home, I met one last really
interesting person (this trip has been full of those): a medical
student from Harvard, who is here in Uganda studying the AIDS virus.
Because I have spent so much time working with HIV+ clients, he was
really interesting to talk to, even though I understood maybe half of
the words he said.  But, according to him, people really don’t die of
AIDs anymore, as long as they get the proper treatment. People who are
HIV+ can live full lives and will often die of natural causes rather
than AIDS. I didn’t know that, so I thought I would share.
       All in all, it was a trip of a lifetime. I talked to many, many
people, lots of them who had tons of raftng experience and the all
said that this trip was some of the best rafting in the entire world.
Plus, I met tons of fascinating people (many of whom are now my
facebook friends in case you want to stalk me. And mum, since I’m sure
you have already stalked me, you can now put stories with these
people). We have a paper that will allow us to go again for half price
and I am seriously tempted, but I don’t think we will because the
whole time we will be trying to recreate the trip, and there is no way
it can ever be as good as it was this time. This trip was perfect.

May 30

Rafting was AMAZING. I wish I could tell you all about it, but it was
so epic that the email is taking forever to write. I will send it when
it is finished. Me and Savanah and Karen are all working on it
together so that we don't forget a single detail. But for now, suffice
it to say that it was completely amazing and I want to go again.
Yesterday at lunch there were monkeys running around TASO! And I fed
them! I FED THE MONKEYS! They would come right up to me and take food
out of my hand! Because it was so awesome, I accidentally fed half of
my lunch to the monkeys. Hahahaha Worth it thought. I got lots of
fabby pictures.
YEsterday at FHE I met a kid who just got back from Ghana on his
mission. I asked him if he knows Will Farnbach and he totally does! He
got a picture of me and is going to email it to him. Small world.

Love you all!
Stefanie

May 26

Here are all the emails I wrote while the internet was down. Enjoy:

It's been so long! Sorry, the internet has been down at the inn. But I
have kept a record of my life in my journal, so I will transcribe it
for all you lovely followers of my blog:
Sunday:
TOday was the best day of my life. This morning the internet still
wasn't working, which is unfortunate, but it meant that I got to sleep
in because I didn'[t have to wake up early to read and write emails. I
got ready, ate delicious breakfast, and we took a taxi to church.
Church was wonderful, as usual. There were 2 muzungu (white) senior
missionaries there who are from provo, so it was fun to see and talk
to them. But the best part of church was that Karen invited Ben who
works at the inn  to some with us. I'm pretty sure I've talked about
him before. He's the one who is young and is taking care of several
young kids who are the orphans of his brother. So Ben and the 5
children came to church. He is planning on meeting with the
missionaries on Wednesday. Hopefully that works out for him. He would
make an excellent member of the church. He already has a good
relationship with Heavenly Father and is obviously very charitable.
Plus, hopefully if he joins he will be able to take advantage of the
perpetual education fund. He is one of those people who would really
benefit from it.
After church we were invited over to Sister Victoria's house for
dinner. I was a little worried because she is the crazy lady from
Relief society who yelled at everyone for not making her family feel
welcome. As we were walking ot her house, my trepidation increased,
for our path was surrounded on either side by huts constructed
entirely of mud bricks and obviously lacking in electricity, running
water, or anything resembling sanitation. Now, I try to be strong and
charitable, but the food here freaks me out, especially when there is
a high probability that it was prepared in less than sanitary
conditions. However, fear not my friends! As we rounded the corner, lo
and behold, a fantastic gated community!! Talk about income disparity.
As we walked through the gates and into the house, it was like a slice
of heaven on earth. Sure the furniture was dated and there was not air
conditioning, but you are missing the point. The point is that there
WAS furniture and that she had several high powered fans and, most
importantly, obviously sanitary facilities. She also had a really nice
TV (much nicer than mine at my apartment-not hard) and she put on "the
Testaments" for us to watch while dinner was getting ready. I forgot
how awesome (read: cheesy) that movie is. Then we had dinner and OH!
Oh, dinner! My earlier fears were completely unfounded. It was, hands
down, the best meal I have had since coming to Africa. Though, in all
honestly, the competition is not that fierce.
Sister Victoria had SO MUCH FOOD!  It was seriously wonderful. I’m
pretty sure she had it catered too, because it was in those little tub
things with the heaters under them that BYU catering uses. Plus, there
was so much that wasn’t meat, so there was plenty to satisfy a hungry
little pseudo vegetarian. After dinner we watched Rio, which is a
fabulous movie. Highly recommended. It was strangely comforting to
watch an American movie. It’s like, you may be in a third world
country deprived of any pop culture that doesn’t involve Tony Horton,
but hey! American movies still exist. It was an especially appropriate
reminder considering the unfortunate events of Saturday when we tried
to watch The Dark Knight. The market that we go to on Saturdays has a
huge assortment of pirated DVDs for sale, but the selection is very
random and half of it is porn. But the group had really been wanting
to watch The Dark Knight, so I decided to try to call on my Ross power
to help us out. This is the same power that brought me, among other
things, my vampire shirt, my gold and pink dress, sparkly Steve
Maddens, etc. The way the power works is that I picture the thing I
want in my mind, I picture myself finding that thing, and I picture
myself using that thing. The power has a 93% success rate. After about
5 mins of sifting through terrible movies and porn, we found it!
Success! Unfortunately, the story has a sad ending. The flaw in my
power is that I don’t think in sound. The entire movie was horribly
dubbed in Luganda! http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/ We couldn’t even
watch the action scenes in peace because the man was still babbling
even though there was no dialogue. What could he possibly have been
saying? We will never know. Our solution: we watched the entire movie
on mute, filling in the lines ourselves whenever we could remember
them and summarizing when we couldn’t remember word for word. Let me
tell you, it was a whole lot less intense. I challenge every one of
you to watch the movie without sound, then you will get a taste of the
trials I go through.
       Anyway, Rio was a great movie, especially because I could understand
the language. After Sister Victoria’s I went home and talked to my
wonderful parents on the phone.
       I don’t think I mentioned the fact that today is/was Tyler’s
birthday. But it is, so  later on, we went to Ben’s house to have a
little birthday party.  There were some neighborhood kids around and
we all had a mini dance party to the terrible reggae music they play
on the radio here. Those kids could really move it! They are like 6
years old and their body rolls totally put me to shame. 2 of Ben’s
kids are little twin girls and they absolutely break my heart. It’s a
good thing they have a guardian and aren’t straight up orphans or they
would totally be coming home with me. All of the kids are wonderful,
but there is a soft spot in my heart for twin girls. I would totally
adopt them, but I can’t just take one, I would have to have them all!
And then all of a sudden I would be a mother of 5 with two years left
of law school, without a job or husband. That would be….bad…right?
       As we were walking home from Ben’s I saw a firefly! If I didn’t think
bucket lists were totally stupid, seeing a firefly would have been on
my bucket list. And now I did it!
       As I was getting ready for be just now, I found an entire box of
sweet and saltygranola bars that I had forgotten about! It was like
Christmas! I almost cried.
       So, see? This truly was the best day of my entire life ever. The
greatest day in the whole history of Stefanie. Though, I suspect that
after three weeks in a third world country, my standards have shifted
a lot.

Tuesday May 24
Living in a rain forrest is fun. I love the sound of rain, especially
on the tin roofs. Every night I am woken up by the sound of violent
rain and it is the most beautiful sound in the world.
       The clinic work is going well. It’s actually going really well, which
is kind of a double egded sword (I hope. I’m a little shady on that
metaphor). The point of this program is not just to write wills for
people, but to train those who live here about will writing so that
when we leave it still continues. The good news is that the interns
are becoming really good at writing wills and hardly need our help at
all anymore except with the more complex issues. They are really
becoming self sufficient. The bad news is that this makes me less
useful and so sometimes I don't feel like I have a lot to do. It’s all
good though. I’m really glad the program is going so well, and next
week we get a whole new batch of interns, so I will have to train them
all again.
       The intern I usually work with is named Sharon. She is really nice
and adorable. She is a first year social work student, but she really
wants to be either a singer or a writer. Having read one of her short
stories, I think she could be a really good singer. She joins us every
morning in our rendition of “Lean on Me” that we sing for the clients.
I also really like her because she calls me Stef, which is a vast
improvement over Stephen.
       Today as I got off the cab, the driver totally tried to swindle me. I
despise the cabs here. They are so annoying driving around honking at
people, they smell terrible, and when you ride them they are so
inefficient because they stop every ten feet to try and get people on
even if all the seats are full. Not my favorite. From our inn to
downtown costs 500 shillings, but every cab driver tried to make us
pay more. They usually gove up when we show them that we know what
we’re doing. However, as I paid this one cab driver today, he was
supposed to give me 500 in change, but only handed me 300. I was like,
“Um, you own me 200 more” and he was like “no 700” meaning that the
ride cost 700. Ooooooo I was really mad. I got all up in his face and
was like “FIVE HUNDRED. Give me my change!” and he laughed and said
“700.” So I ripped the 1000 that I had given him out of his hand and
said “five. Hundred.” That stopped his laughing because now not only
had he not swindled me, he was down 300. He stared at my obviously
furious face and said weakly “700?” “No,” I said in a deadly voice,
“500.” With that, I reached over to his hand that hokld the coins and
pried a 500 piece out of his fingers. Then I calmly handed him my 1000
note along with the 300 he gave me. “500,” I said, “have a nice day.”
He quickly got in his taxi and drove off. I like to think I did some
good this day. Not only will that driver likely think twice before
ripping people off, I probably gave him his first taste of a
non-submissive female ever. Three cheers for feminism!

Thursday May 26, 2011
Yesterday we didn’t have work. Wednesdays are usually outreach, but
there wasn’t one yesterday. Because it’s TASO and their communication
is terrible, I have no idea why there was no outreach, but I consider
it a victory that they told us what to do at all. So we stayed at the
inn and worked on our externship requirement crap. That night we went
to Ben’s house to meet with him and the missionaries, but
unfortunately the missionaries didn’t show up. I wish the missionaries
would be flakes, but we took the opportunity to talk to him about our
testimonies of the book of mormon, and it was really awesome.
       On the walk home from Ben’s the power went out and it was completely
black. We were in the poor part of town, so no one had any generators
or anything, so the only light around was the stars and our cell
phones. The walk home was an interesting experience. At one point I
stepped in a huge mud puddle that I can only hope was wet with water
and not sewage.
       2 of our interns left today, so last night we decided to make them
American cookies as a going away present. The desserts here are, on
the whole, exceedingly crap or completely non existent, which is a
shame. The inn has no oven (not that one would have worked without
electricity) so we decided to make no bake cookies. After a call to my
wonderful mother for the recipe, we ventured into powerless downtown
Entebbe for the ingredients. It was good that the recipe is simple
because Uganda has nothing like marshmallows or chocolate chips or
anything. But they did have all of our ingredients with the exception
of baking cocoa. We decided instead to use something called “drinking
chocolate” which I think is like Nesquick. Let me tell you, those
cookies were SWEET. And delicious. Also, they were awesome because we
made them practically over a campfire. The Ugandan students (not as
accustomed to sugar overload as I am) could barely handle a portion of
the cookie. Pansies. We had a few left over, so our P90X session had
refreshments. Awesome.
       I am burning through all the books I brought. I finished the Count Of
Monte Cristo today. I am really scared that I will run out and have
nothing. Luckily Mark is a reader, so I will have to raid his stash.

       I’m glad the internet is finally back! Thank you guys so much for
emailing me! Love you all!
Stefanie

Update

Stef called this morning to apologize for the lack of emails in the last few days.  Apparently the internet is down and she doesn't know when it will be fixed because people in Uganda aren't exactly efficient.  As soon as she starts writing again I'll start posting again.

May 19

Oooooh I hate Kevin. THAT MAKES ME SO MAD. What a jerk wad. I think you
should absolutely tell Jason. Like, maybe not that it isn't going to
work and you want Kevin fired, but just to let him know what is going
on. You shouldn't have to deal with him being utterly absurd. And he
totally doesn't get to lazer all year. I don't care if he thinks he is
"boss" because he totally isn't. Grrrrrrrrr. Also, Sam is the social
worker at the clinic who works with us the most. He is a little crazy.
Yesterday at the clinic we sang "Lean on Me" after we introduced
ourselves. Mark played the guitar and we all sang, with parts and
everything. It was actually pretty good. And it must have been super
effective because there was a MAD RUSH of clients all wanting their
wills written. At one point my intern and I had three clients we were
working with at the same time, she with a woman who spoke Luganda and
me with 2 clients who spoke English. I had to have Savannah come help
me though. I may be a genius and the most capable person you know, but
even I can't write 2 wills at once.
We American students have finally figured out a cultural gap between
us and the Ugandans. It is regarding the word "safe" as in
–adjective
1.
secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk: a safe place.
2.
free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk: to arrive safe and sound.
3.
involving little or no risk of mishap, error, etc.: a safe estimate.

Here in Uganda, apparently "safe" does not have the same meaning. We
were beginning to suspect something was amuck when the list of things
we were told were "safe" grew to include:

1. The killer spiders in the zoo
2. These giant horrendous looking wasp things
3. Walking around the streets of Kampala with the terrible traffic
(where there is one single traffic signal for the entire city)
4. Swimming in lake Victoria (where floating garbage creates a three
foot thick perimeter)
5. Riding the bodaboda's (little dirt bike taxi's that zip in and out
of the aforementioned terrible traffic and have no helmets)
6. Bungee jumping
7. Malaria
8. Political riots
9. (related) Tear gas
10. Eating fish (including fish heads, a common delicacy here in Uganda)
11.Drinking the water

Apparently, here in Uganda "safe" means "your chances of dying are
pretty slim" as in "it is very likely that it will dismember you or
maim you terribly or make you very sick. But, hey, at least you will
still be alive." Don't worry, I've learned to trust my own instincts
and NOT the words of Ugandans. I really like my limbs.

Love you all!
Stefanie

May 18

Get ready for a LOOOOONG email.
I am alive and everything, worry not. There was no electricity this
morning, which meant no computers. It also meant that I started off
the day with a cold shower by flashlight. It felt very authentic, like
the true Africa experience. Then the novelty wore off and it felt
irritating.
Yesterday was actually quite an eventful day. The clinic day started
with a ceremony to celebrate world AIDS day or AIDS candle day or
something. I don’t remember what it was called, but basically it was a
program honoring those who have died from AIDS. There was music and
praying, and then at the end they passed out candles and we lit them
and sang the AIDS anthem together, which is apparently something like
“today it’s me, tomorrow someone else.” It was actually a really
touching experience, especially because there was someone translating
for us so we would know what was happening.
After the service, it was regular clinic day, though first we started
with a meeting with Celia and the interns where she talked to them
about our concerns. We came to a compromise. We (the American
students) figure if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. So rather than try
to force the Ugandan students to skip tea, we will be joining them for
tea, but we will take a working tea, which means that we will both be
drinking tea while we’re working (which is pretty self explanatory).
Worry not friends, I am not breaking the word of wisdom. Apparently in
Uganda, “tea” refers to hot milk mixed with sugar. It’s really thick
milk, so I basically feel like I am eating baby formula (the only
experience I have with warm milk) and it is nasty. But, it keeps the
interns working, plus it fills me up a bit, so I am not SO FREAKING
STARVING by the time people finally let me have lunch.
I only had time to write one will yesterday (which was a really great
one I did for a woman who had very little. Her husband was HIV
positive as well, but when he found out, apparently he went insane and
left, so she wanted to protect her children as much as she could. She
had very little, but it was nice that I could make sure that what she
has is protected). After that, Tyler, Sam and I headed to Kampala (my
favorite. Not) to meet with an organization called UWESO (Uganda women
ensuring survival of orphans, or something like that). We didn’t have
any idea what it was going into it (Sam set it up for us), but Tyler
had me come along in case we were visiting an orphanage or something
because he knows I love children. However, when we got there we
realized it was not an orphanage, but instead another NGO like TASO,
except this one cares for orphans and at risk children. We explained
to them what we our organization does and they were SO EXCITED about
us. Seriously, I was getting ready to sell them on this organization,
and all of a sudden it seemed like they were selling us on why we
should let them fund us. They started talking about huge projects,
like television ads and billboards that will act like public service
announcements to sensitize Ugandans to the idea of creating wills.
They want us to create a proposal about what our company will do over
the next year as far as recruiting, fundraising, training etc, and
then they will get with us about a company proposal for a project
where we work together. This is a legit organization that gets funding
from tons of places like UNICEF and USAID (the organization I worked
for my senior year) so if this works out it could be a really awesome
thing.
I would like to start this story out with the fact that I am still
alive and well. So stop worrying. On the way to Kampala there were a
bunch of people lining the roads along with a bunch of police men
milling about. The taxis can get really annoying because they don’t
like to go to the destination until they are completely full. This
taxi was no exception and sat idle on the side of the road for about
15 mins with the conductor walking around trying to get people to get
in the taxi. But no one wanted to get in the taxi because they weren’t
there to go to Kampala, they were there for a political demonstration.
I was getting nervous because I could tell the crowd was getting
restless. I asked Sam if we were in trouble. He said we were fine, but
he always says that. He also said we were fine to go to work on the
day that the opposition leader came back to the country and people got
beat left and right that day. So I don’t really trust him, but he was
calm, so I tried to remain calm as long as he was calm. But I could
feel the tension building. People were yelling and the police were
getting out their night sticks. And yet, there sat our stupid cab
driver, content to be parked in the middle of a riot rather than drive
off with a half empty taxi.  People on the cab started getting antsy,
urging the cab driver to drive on, don’t wait, but he wouldn’t listen.
 Eventually, even Sam started arguing with the driver, telling him
that we should get out of there. That was the point I really started
getting nervous. If Sam thinks something is potentially dangerous,
that means there is probably a pretty high chance of death (just
kidding. Kind of). Then, all of a sudden, from not to far behind where
our taxi is parked we hear this thunderous BOOM like a cannon going
off. It was pandemonium inside the taxi. Everyone started screaming
and swearing at the driver to GO GO GO NOW!!! Finally he decided to
listen to them and sped off so fast that the conductor barely had time
to get in and did not have time to shut the door.  As we finally put a
safe distance between us and the riot, Sam calmly turns to me and
says, “Now Steven, what were we talking about?”
Today was another frustrating start to clinic day. These people really
need to work on their communication skills. After double and triple
checking with several different people that there was clinic today, we
arrive to find out that there is an outreach instead, but that there
are not enough interns for all of us. SIGH. These people really need
to work on their communication skills. So, since I got to travel the
day before, I stayed at the clinic and worked with Tyler organizing
the wills that we have already written and working on our proposal for
UWESO. It was a very chill day. I also read 150 pages of The
Mysterious Benedict Society, which so far is FABULOUS. Also, Jake and
Jaxon: I finished the entire Gregor the Overlander series. Have you
read it? I think you both would really like it. Anyway, after we
finished all that, there was a client meeting that we were invited to.
It wasn’t a clinic day, so we weren’t writing wils, but they wanted us
to tell the clients what we were doing so that they would be willing
to write one when they come back.  It was a kind of boring meeting
(most of it was in Luganda) but there was one little family there that
absolutely broke my heart. It was a young mother, I would be surprised
if she were any older than me, and her three young children: a happy
baby girl, maybe 6 months with the hugest eyes I have ever seen and
adorable chubby cheeks, a rambunctious boy who was three and had
dimples, who did not stop running around in circles the entire time I
saw him except for once when he asked me to tighten the drawstrings on
his pants so he could run faster, and the oldest girl, who was about
6. She is the one who really breaks my heart. I don’t know what is
wrong with her, but she was so sick and weak that she could barely
walk.  Her tiny little legs were so thin and weak that I was afraid
she would fall on her way to the benches. Her breathing was fast and
shallow and I could tell by the way that her mother kept touching her
forehead that she had a really bad fever. She really wanted her mom to
hold her on her lap, so I went and took the baby from the mom.  As I
stood there holding the baby watching the mom try to comfort the
little girl, it took every ounce of self control I had not to burst
into tears because whatever this little girl had, the doctors in
Uganda probably aren’t advanced enough to treat it and she is probably
going to die, especially since it was probably HIV related.
Fortunately, the baby chose that moment to pee on me and take my mind
off it for a minute. Apparently there aren’t disposable diapers in
Uganda.  I really hope that this woman comes back to the clinic to
write a will so that even if her daughter dies, we can help her
protect her land for the baby and the little boy with the dimples.
Herm Candace you sound like the best Big Sister ever. I seriously
teared up when I read about the song Jazmine wrote about you. However,
I wouldn’t put much stock in that because I am still feeling unstable
from the family at the clinic. BTW, I’m allergic to my typhoid
medicine, not my malaria medicine. And apparently here malaria is NBD.
The boy who works at the front desk (Josh, we’re great friends) has
malaria and doesn’t plan on dying. And my intern friend Sharon had
malaria two weeks ago. I find it odd.
Congratulations Natalie on making Legacy again! Even though I totally
knew you would.
Herm Niccole, congrats on the successful FHE and I totally support you
buying the Kinect. Sorry Kevin sucks. Also, hahahahahaha Maddie is so
funny that she remembered still. Tell her I love her dearly.
As of tomorrow, I only have one month and 10 days until I come home! I
really do love it here, but I am excited to come home. I miss you all
a lot.
Love, Stefanie

May 16

Yesterday we actually got to work! YAY! Unfortunately, the day was
very slow. I swear, we ran into every single possible problem
yesterday, but in the end I think it was a good thing because we were
able to think up and implement solutions to the problems. The biggest
problem we deal with is the interns. They are all very nice and smart,
but they are kind of lazy. Also, they don't communicate very well. We
will finish a will, and I will say "ok, you sit here with the client
while I go and photocopy this. I'll be right back." I'll come back 5
mins later and the client and the intern are nowhere to be found. 30
mins later the intern comes back from "tea." it's super irritating.
Then, when it's time for lunch, we often go to lunch and then come
back and our interns haven't gone to lunch yet, meaning we waste 2
hours not working while we all eat. The problem is, lunch in Uganda
takes place around 1 or 1:30. While this is really late and we are
starving, the Americans realize that this is culture and we can't just
go around demanding that everyone adjust their schedules to
accommodate us. However, some days (Like yesterday) we have a lull of
clients right around noon. It seems obvious to us that we should take
lunch during the lull, so that we can work with clients when we get
back instead of sitting around during a lull and eating when there are
clients waiting at 1:30. However, the students don't want to eat that
early. It was funny because Savanah and I went and confronted our
interns at about 12:30 and told them very calmly and rationally that
we were all going to eat lunch now because there were no clients. They
were like, "No, it's ok." We were both like, "..........." Neither of
us are used to people not bending to our wishes when we explain them.
So, we ended up just wasting a bunch of time.
HOWEVER, these problems will likely be solved. We talked to Celia, the
director over social resources or something, and the woman was
amazing. She addressed all of our concerns and was totally on our side
about the wasting time thing. She said she would talk to the interns
and that everything should be better. And if not, she will send them
back to the university. Also, it was so good to talk to her to get a
real perspective on things. Because the day was frustrating, it was
easy for me to lose sight of why I'm really here and what the point of
all of this is. But she talked about her conversations with some of
the people we have written wills for and how we have given them hope
and security. I realized that even though I was frustrated by how few
wills I was able to complete yesterday, the few I did will make such a
difference to that individual, and that is completely worth it. If I
come to Africa and only secure the property rights for one family, it
has been a success. I think I need to talk to Celia more often.
After work we went to FHE. It was actually super fun and very much
like a Provo FHE. We had songs, a prayer, and a lesson, and then we
played games. We totally played Big Booty, like from girls camp,
except they called it President. I dominated. Then they played soccer.
I didn't play, but it was really fun to sit around and socialize with
some of the girls from the ward. Plus, they had refreshments! Uganda
is not big on dessert and I have been missing it mucho, so that was
awesome!
On the walk home, we randomly ran into Sam from the TASO clinic who
took us to a restaurant and bought us delicious bbq pork. That's right
everyone, I ate meat in Uganda! So stop worrying, I got protein.
When we finally got home, it was really late but we had a bunch of
work to do to prepare for work tomorrow. Because of that, we didn't
get started with P90X until 10pm. Not gonna lie, if it was just me I
totally wouldn't have done it, but sometimes peer pressure is a good
thing. Though I totally fell asleep in between moves. So this morning
I am REALLY TIRED.
I got my card back, so if you transferred the money out of my account,
please feel free to transfer it back in. The lady I got it from had
like 15 cards in her hand, so apparently that is something that
happens all the time. Lame.
I am dying to know if Natalie made the choir. Tell me!

Love you all!
Love, Stefanie

May 15

Thank you to mum and Natalie and Niccole for emails! All of them made
me very happy. Cole, your calling is going to be awesome. I think that
asking for Monday off is a fine idea. And if he wont give it to you,
take it off anyway. Your group sounds amazing.
Yesterday we had church and you will never guess what the bishop asked
me to do. Hint: I've done it 5 times already. That's right. I was
asked to lead the choir. It's not an official calling because my
records aren't in the ward or anything, but after sacrament meeting
the bishop came up to us and asked if any of us lead music. I said
that I do, and he said that the ward choir is really enthusiastic and
wants to learn new songs, but none of them know how. I guess they have
been relying on any missionary who gets transferred there and has
talent. I told him I would absolutely love to help them out. I figure
that it is my destiny. Until I learn to consistantly attend ward
choir, I will be called as the director. Going to another continent
will not change that. I'm not really sure when we'll start or
anythign. The  bishop said that we would talk later.
Yesterday after church (and after talking on the phone to my family,
YAY!) we went to Ben's house. Ben is a guy who works at the inn. His
story is pretty incredible. His parents died when he was ten and his
older brother had to take care of him and his younger sister. then his
older brother got married and had 5 kids. Then, about 5 years ago, his
older brother died unexpectedly in an accident. Everyone told him that
it was time for him to stand up and be a man. He was 15 years old and
he was suddenly responsible for the well being of his brother's wife
and all of the children. He would like to go to college and study
journalism, but it has been really hard for him to find time to go
when he has to work so much to provide for the kids and then take care
of them when he's not working. I can't even imagine being that
selfless. We hung out with the kids for awhile and taught them down by
the banks and "Friday" by Rebecca Black. They got really good at
saying "YEAH!" when I sang "Partyin partyin!"
Back to work today! Hopefully we actually get to work. If they send us
home again my mind just might explode.
Love you all!
Stefanie

May 15

Ok, I have been trying to send pictures for awhile and it has not been
working. Hopefully it will if I send just one. THis is a picture of me
and Bridget, a 5 year old from Nsangi.

P.S. Ignore my hair.

May 14

Herm! When you write me things like that it makes me so happy! I am so
glad you are having so much fun with mow crew AND fab five AND Provo
friends. You are so popular! I love Kings Speech.
Yes, you can put swear words on my blog. Unless you think something is
terribly inappropriate, I am ok with you putting anything I say on the
blog.  Unless I have told you to leave something out, I've generally
thought it through and decided it's ok for the world to see. That's
why I edited it with an asterisk.
Yesterday was a pretty chill day. After 3 days of not working, the
weekend gets less exciting. We mostly just made plans for the safaris
we want to go on and then went in to town to buy water and food and
stuff to get us through the week. We went to the Saturday market again
and i bought a giant beautiful avacado and an equally beautiful giant
tomato. I cut them up and put them on a roll and had the most
delicious vegetarian sandwich of my life (ok, that's a lie. It really
needed come provalone and  ranch dressing. But I have come to find
that the deliciousness of something really depends on whether you are
in a foreign country and your other option is goat meat).
The bad news yesterday is that when I tried to get more money from the
ATM, the freaking machine took my card! Ooooooh, I was mad. And
scared. That seems to me like a great way for someone to orchestrate
identity fraud. The machine said "Card held due to reader error." What
the heck does that mean? The guard said that my card was safe and that
I could pick it up from the bank Monday morning. Apparently this has
happened to Tyler before, but it was when the bank was open so it
wasn't as big of a deal. But I tried to remain calm and called daddy
and mum and asked them to moniter my account until I could get my card
back. Hopefully nothing is wrong, but SIGH.
Sorry this one is so boring. Hopefully my blog doesn't lose followers.

May 13

I love all that mow crew news. Tell those girls I LOVE them!
I totally wich I could go slip n slinding with you. Don't break your arm.
This will be short because breakfast is ready and I am STARVING.
Yesterday we got to the clinic and no one was there. It was supposed
to be an outreach day, so we were worried that they had left us, but
when we found Sam he said that the clinic was closed that day for
departmental meetings. Awesome. That would have been good to know
before we woke up early and got to the clinic. So, we didn't work
AGAIN yesterday. 5 day weekend anybody? So instead, we went and laid
out in the sun (my favorite!) until around noon, when Sam said he
would take us to see Kampala.
I'm not going to lie, I kind of hated Kampala. It was SO DIRTY. Like,
dusty and grimy, not like full of pornography. The traffic was the
worst I have ever seen in my life, and there is no way there are any
sort of emissions standards. Also, no traffic lights or crosswalks.
You just had to cross the street like Frogger. Sam would just kind of
dart in the road and we would follow, trying not to die. Savannah and
I have come to the conclusion that Africa is very bad for our
language. What with the spiders, driving on the wrong side of the
road, and the crossing the street, we have had more than the usual
opportunities to swear, which neither of us really want to do. Plus,
if we were to get hit by a car crossing the street, we wouldn't want
our last words to be a swear word. So we decided to not swear anymore.
Therefor, on our next trek across the street, we sang "Seize the Day"
from Newsies. Seize the day is a much better last phrase than a swear.
However, as we were crossing ,a GIANT semi came out of nowhere heading
straught fot us. It falshed its lights at us, but made no signs of
stopping. THe road was so narrow and there were cars on either side of
us, so we had nowhere to go. I was sure we were going to die. The
truck stopped at the last minute, but I didn't keep my lanugage goal
very long. It went more like this: "Don't be afraid and don't delay.
Nothing can break us no one- HOLY SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hahahahahahha so much for that goal. But I'm still trying.
The one good thing about Kampala is that they have fast food
restaraunts. We all have been craving burgers SO BAD and we finally
got one! So I am happy!
Thanks so much for your emails! Love you all!
Love, Stefanie

May 12

Remember how Tyler told us before we came that the inn would “usually”
have electricity? Yeah, this morning was one of those “not” days. We
are running on generators right now, so hopefully that works well
enough to get this email sent off.
Yesterday we had the day off again, so we decided to go to the zoo.
Let me tell ya, it was an ADVENTURE. There was this one part that they
called a “forest walk” where there was a little path through the
forest that brought you around the other side of the animal cages so
you could see them better. Unfortunately, the “forest walk” was
inappropriately named. It should have been called “the gigantic spider
infested walk of death.” We were walking calmly along the path when I
suddenly saw a spider web next to the path in which resided a spider
that was literally the size of my hand. Here is how the conversation
went from there:
Stefanie: (pointing) NNggghhhhhhrrghgh!!!
Everyone else: What?
Stefanie: Nnnnaannnggggggaaaahhhh!!!
Everyone else: What?
Stefanie: SPIDERAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
Unfortunately, the hysteria only increased from there. As we traveled
on, it became apparent that this forest belonged to the spiders. They
were EVERYWHERE. Seriously, there were parts of the walk where the
path was bordered with spider webs so thick that they looked like
tulle with hundreds of these giant spiders inside. *shudder* Savannah
and I did not handle it in a calm or rational manner. We were pretty
much screaming our brains out and losing our minds any time our hair
brushed the back of our necks. It was a little absurd, but I also
think it was completely reasonable. We continued on the forest walk
because we figured we were closer to the end than the beginning, but
then we came to a point where the spiders were above the path and we
would have to walk under them to continue. Savannah refused point
blank to go through, and I was right there with her. So we turned
back, mostly running with reckless abandon until we reached safety. I
was feeling creepy crawlies on my legs for the rest of the day.
Then we went to see the monkeys. We were still pretty jumpy, but the
monkeys were adorable. Then, as Karen was leaning next to the fence to
take a picture, the monkey flew at her face. Luckily there was a fence
in between, but if there hadn’t been, the monkey totally would have
killed her. We screamed again. What is it with the Uganda zoo and its
killer animals?
After that we went to see the chimpanzees. Don’t work, none of them
tried to kill us. But they were amazing! We watched them for so long
because they were so fun. One of them was standing next to the edge of
the river holding onto a stick and putting it in the river. He kept
getting longer and longer sticks, but we couldn’t figure out what he
was doing until we realized there was an apple in the water. He was
using the stick to pull the apple towards himself. Eventually he got a
long enough stick and got the apple. Adorable resourceful little
chimpanzee! I loved him.
The zoo was huge so that the animals could have enough room to run
around, so we often had to walk along big paths to get to the next
animal. As we were heading to the giraffes, we realized that on the
path in front of us was a warthog (like Pumba) not in any cage or
anything. We weren’t sure what to do. There was no one around to tell.
We were looking around trying to figure out where the cage it was
supposed to be in was when all of a sudden it noticed us. I know Pumba
isn’t aggressive, but this warthog started charging! We were pretty
far away, but I have no idea how fast they run, so we took off running
as fast as we could away from the pig. We made it about 50 yards
before we felt comfortable stopping and turning around. The pig was
nowhere to be found.
We finally are going back to work today! Yay! Its been nice having
these days off, but I find that I am more likely to be homesick if I’m
not busy.
Miss and love you all!
Love, Stefanie
Oh, P.S. Tyler is alive! He is out of bed and walking around today!